


Frozzen Ideas

by Pickle_turtle



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23855047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pickle_turtle/pseuds/Pickle_turtle
Summary: Christmas, rain and friends looking at each other and wanting more than friendship.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Cullen Rutherford
Kudos: 2





	Frozzen Ideas

**Author's Note:**

> I did the first draft of this story in the middle of the night, and developed it will not listen to a conference two months ago. I got a sweet spot for modern Cullrian, even more with childhood or school AU involve.

Dorion Pavus and Mia Rutherford have been friends since high school. They both share many affinities: fashion sense, critical sense, and being the one to be right in the room. At that time he and his parent just moved to the country, a new city, new surroundings, and a new school. But finding new friends was a fresh start, in an environment that was more accepting of his orientation, with people that won't use each of his words and gesture against him. They found him pretentious and superficial, at first, but then some try to talk with him, and Dorian found himself with a new band. Sera, Varric, and all the atypical music band members of the school, The Charge.  
  
There were also new boys, the reason why they have to move in the first place. They would endure a terrible shame if the prodigal son of a prominent politician were found to be fooling around with another boy. He had tried causing other mayhem. But there was one boy he was more attracted to any others, Cullen Rutherford. Successful football player, good student, blond, and well-shaped. He even played the occasional game of chess at the chess club competition. The same club chess, he was the newest member. During one of those contests, Dorian challenged himself to beat all the other participants. He even got himself in a match against Cullen, his crush. And since that day he pinned hard. He would be merely lying if he said that almost ten years later he had kept this infatuation.

He inevitably discovered two things that day:  
One that Cullen had an older sister, Mia, was also a member of the chess club.   
And that Cullen had a crush on the same girl that his best friend, Alistair Therein. 

He deduced Cullen would never see him more than a possible friend. Even if it would be hard, then he would remain a friend, but not then, he was youthful and foolish at the time. He decided to set himself a new challenge to get closer to Cullen through his sister. It didn't take long for Mia to find out about his scheme, but she didn't get angry and instead tried to help him. They start to make plans for the boys to hook up: film night, party, tutoring, and so many others. Dorian became to spend so much time with the Rutherford brood that he starts to be a part of the house and begin to feel like a stranger in his own family house.  
Even years after they both left their way. Their friendship was born from Dorian's need to sleep with Mia's brother and created one of the most vital and most faithful friendships that Dorian had experienced in her life.  
Even after ten years of friendship, they stay in touch, but they both evolve in their respective lives. Mia got married and is now a mother of two. Dorian, he is now one of a respective journalist scientific. This year, however, Mia asked of him for the biggest favour he could have imagined. He has to pass this Christmas Eve alone with Cullen.

He couldn't refuse, through the years Mia helps him out more than once. She helps him hide the parties and the booze and faking a girlfriend in front of his terrible parents. She was here all the bad times. She'd never asked him for anything before. Mia offered him more than he would have asked.  
Mia told him that after their family Thanksgiving dinner, she sensed something was wrong with her little brother. And when she tried to find out what was going on, Cullen didn't offer her any answers.  
It didn't seem suspicious of him, at first. It was not like Cullen has even been an extrovert like him, that pours his life into any companion's ear. And when he became cops, he had respected the confidentiality related to his work. He could imagine this was not an easy job, that if he ended closing up, a bite was not surprising. But someone would have noticed if it becomes dangerous for him.  
Mia did.  
He has now soaked to the bones a kitten under his arms in front of his adolescence crush. As might be expected, he has second thoughts, even after having rung the doorbell. It didn't wonder long on his previous decision, that the door opened with a handsome golden man on the other side.   
\- Dorian, it's nice to see you again. Enter. Enter.  
Some blond hunk graciously welcomed Dorian with stubble. It got him an instant to recognize Cullen. Some men age like wine, and he was one of them. Cullen lost his baby face, the blonde curls got tamed, and he got that wicked scar on his upper lips. But he was happy to hear his familiar voice when he invites him inside is home.  
\- Sorry to be late. Fashionably late, I hope.

See him after all those years still got him butterflies in his stomach. He has to swallow before he could hide foolishness behind a gentle smile.  
\- You must be cold with all those rain. I could have come getting you at the station, you know—an instant.

Cullen promptly disappeared into a placard and got out of it with two towels. They look like old ones, put here for emergencies. At least they were clean.  
\- I didn't want to bother you.

He says, nearly whispering the words. It's true, in a way. He wanted to delay their meeting; he had been nervous and still was.  
Cullen looks at him with warm, puppy dog eyes. He would have come. Even if he didn't ask if he had only known the train schedules, he would have been here. And still with that smile he gives him the towels.  
\- Here.

He could smell the laundry product used on the towels. It was scenting some kind of flower with a bit of honey and berries in it.  
\- You would never. I mean to disturb me, in any case...

He put the kitten into one of the towels. Cullen helps him and takes the bubble in his hand and dries it delicately. The kitten was happy to of the attention. He was purring even by being in the comfortable and warm hands. Dorian couldn't take his eyes off them. Cullen was so kind with the little thing. His stomach was forming knots at seeing the scene. It takes him to remove his shoes and jacket. Carefully drying his face and hair, to not spear his cool about it.   
\- I didn't recall you own a cat. What his name?

He says, giving the kitten back to Dorian. When taking him back, Dorian got closer of Cullen, and he could smell he indeed has the same scent of laundry product, but with the fragrance of earthy and woody smell.  
\- I don't know, I found him in my way here. The poor thing was, even more, drenched by the rain that me. I couldn't let it outside like this.

Hearing his friend declaring those words, he remembers a superficial young boy, but always caring for those who require it. He could help, but it will complain about days after it.  
\- Yes, right. I hope Mag won't misbehave around him.

At the mention of the name, Dorian heart naturally does a flip, not the right kind. His heart was beating so fast in his ear. He didn't hear the sound of nails on the parquet. He could only listen to himself repeating the name, with fear and wonder in his voice.  
\- Mag?   
Cullen only smiles at him. Dorian was still wondering when a cold snoot touches his hand. When he looks down, he instantly saw a white and brown pit bull scenting him, happily wags her tail.  
\- Good girl. Dorian meets Macbeth, Mag for short.

He releases a breath; he didn't know he was holding. At that moment he smiles and crouches to salute the dog, who was currently waiting for him some scratching.  
\- Here I was sincerely hoping some woman, that you have hidden somewhere. Not this lovely girl.

He says, scratching her head, still holding the kitten against his chest. The little thing was trying getting his head out to see who was the new intruder. He didn't shake, but he was precocious the with the beast who was scenting him.  
Cullen looks at his cheerful dog and Dorian. He doesn't smile, something in what Dorian says makes him wonder. A twisted "what if?" in his head. What if Mag has been a woman? What Dorian have done, then? Could he have been over here now, with him? Would he try finding excuses to get out and back under the rain? Would he try stopping him, then? Would he try to stop him, now?  
If Dorian follows the turmoil of complex emotion on Cullen's face, he says nothing about it. And ask his lifelong friend if he could borrow the bathroom to set on some dry clothes. Cullen node and guide him into the living room where the stairs to the second floor were located.  
Dorian stops dead in his track, hell that he was cold and wet, he just witnesses a high crime into the Rutherford brood. He frowns a little at the season decoration, blank with at last a lone tree with not even a star on top. What could have been described as the gloomiest scene of a Christmas card, he could have found into a Walmart rayon. He doesn't even think the word "Christmas" could be used in this situation.  
\- I know minimalist was fashionable, but you master it.

Looking attentively at his living room, Cullen couldn't feel more embarrassed. Massaging his neck at the same time.  
\- I know. I didn't manage the time to put the decoration.

\- Well, we could do it now after I change into dry clothes, of course.

\- Definitely. The bathroom is on the left upstairs.

Dorian hauls his bag, put the kitten on the ground still bundled up in the towel. He waits to see what Mag reaction would be before taking the stairs. When he only saw the dog lie down and watch the little thing exploring the room.  
  
Once Dorian had disappeared up the stairs Cullen, take an old box that he has tossed into a corner of the room. The word Christmas was written in a child pen mark on it. So much memory was in this box. Most of the figures were from his childhood that his mother has packed for him when he moves out of the house. She knows that her son would not always come back home. She knows him too well for expecting it. But he has more need of the memories and remembrance. How much these last few years she wishes she was wrong.  
First, he takes one of the garlands and starts to hook it into the tree.   
Before realizing he has to move the tree.   
He buys it this year on impulse, knowing that Dorian would come. But he was in a foul mood those days and once at home put him in a corner against the walls. And now he couldn't come around it to put the decoration. He sighs and pulls up his sleeves.

When Dorian come down with a new black shirt, his hair was still humid but now stilled anew. He had taken away most of his jewellery, except for an amulet that could see under his shirt. But manage not to let his moustache swoop again.  
\- Ah. Let's start then.

Cullen has only just finished moving the tree when he came down. He was trying taking away the pins stuck in his clothes and hairs.  
\- I didn't remember that you were on holiday like Christmas.

He only got the time to tilt his head, that he sees a delicate dusky hand catch a pine thorn in his hair. Once the thorn away, he sees grey eyes looking at him. Cullen thinks he could be lost himself in those stormy eyes, in more than is dreamt only.  
\- I don't recall you not. 

They both silently ad-light strings, decorative ribbons, and other garments in the tree and around the living room. After some time Dorian couldn't endure the silence any more, he always needed noises. The remark of Cullen earlier had made him think a little; he could always tell him, they were no harm to it.   
\- When we were in high school, I don't. If I remember correctly, I was hauled into the Rutherford holiday. I still receive cards from your eccentric aunt Ruth, can you sincerely believe it.  
-I remember.   
His smile at the remembrance for the first time that Dorian got dragged into the holiday gathering. Nearly all his family had come during Christmas. In his younger years, when his grandparents were still alive. About twenty people were all in the same house during the eve. Do one head or was not to cause the difference. The first time this has happened to Dorian, it was his first winter in the country. The snow and the cold at that time were for him like a nightmare, but even by complaining of the cold, he never put on a simple sweater.  
He subsequently starts to laugh anew as he recalls another memory of that time.  
\- I remember mother luring you into the kitchen with us. And you were pouting. You end covered in flour and one of the Mia boys' bands shirts.

Dorian tries to make and fake offence, but he was smiling too much to be taken seriously.  
\- That's happened one time. And that was the first time I cooked too. 

In the box, Dorian found six little snow Balls, that he didn't see in years. He gives them to Cullen each Christmas. Small animals or monuments were in them, the typical souvenirs of a traveller. One was missing. Sadly, it was his favourite; he had been handmade. It took only an old jar found in the pantry, he had glued chess piece lid, the picture of their graduation, and put a good deal of glitter. Timepass so much, it must have been broken a long time ago now. He takes the six left and set them on the table. It could take more than two persons; it was clean as new; he was sure that Cullen doesn't utilize it.  
\- I should thank your mother one day. I never stop cooking after that.

\- At last, she offered that style to you. Bronson and I were never that good. I can only master pasta and microwave plate.

\- I know, I forgot something. That horrible nickname of our youth. Should I fear for our next meal? Because I do now.

The lake of cooking style was no wonder having someone constantly to coo in his youth and then have to take food on the thumb first with the police and now with his detective work. Making and eating healthy food got more challenging with time; he sometimes forgot to eat anything someday.  
\- No, no. I call Mia for help. She gave me a receipt and every instruction needed. You can help me if you don't trust my cooking still.

Indeed for the first time, maybe four years, he calls his older sister by himself, for no more reason than he needs his help and to talk to her. For more reason, even that cooking advice.  
\- This must have been the longest we talk in a long time. I'm sure my sister told you, she says that you were still talking regularly.

\- Yes, dear Mia. When I go away from college, she was one of the few people to stay in touch with me.

\- Your parent didn't... 

Silence follows. They share a look. They both know that Dorian parent never stays in touch with their son. A month before graduation, Dorian got his majority and never come back in his family house. He go from house to house of his friends. Until Gregor Rutherford, Cullen's father, take the boy apart to talk. He says to him to take his thing and put them into Mia room, who was in the university until he got a scholarship to study in another country after their graduation.   
\- I don't have a relation with them any more. It's for the best. 

A sad smile was on Dorian face. He was talking about his parent as always, being a sensitive subject. He tries to demise it by asking questions.  
\- And what dear Mia gave you to make tonight?

\- Ah, wait, put it on paper. Where did I let it?

Cullen first looks around the room, then darted to a little table with an old blue-sky phone was. Beside it a pile of scrambled notes. He seeks in it and ultimately takes one of the papers of the pile.  
\- Ah. Here. She says that was... White Chili. It looks simple enough.

\- Oh, she did take note of it. I give it to her so time ago already.

\- Then you could help me. It's still out of what I could typically make.

\- My microwave master is back. If you still manage to burn anything we always got dessert I come with and save us.

Once they finish, Dorian looks at their work and smile. Of the corner of his eyes, he sees Mag sniffing the kitten, who was trying to catch one of the red garlands. Dorian came beside the little black beast and held it in his hands.  
\- What name are we going to give you? 

Dorian looks at Cullen, and with a nod invite him to come near him.  
\- Are you implying that I have to help you?

\- Of course! I would never find him if I didn't come here. And you have a knack for names.

Cullen blushes, cheeks as red as his chemise.  
\- I don't know. Why not Lothario or Orsino, sound good for a cat name.

\- Orsino, really? I know you like chess. But theatre. I barely remember seeing you at a school spectacle.

\- I... Yes. Well, I grow up.   
He said, rubbing his neck. He's taking Dorian's teasing too seriously sometimes.  
\- Why not Estragon? Dorian ad proudly.  
Now, little Estragon has a name. But whatever his name now, he was still a cat. And once free again from Dorian hands, he runs stray to the tree and tries to catch the red garland.   
They laugh at the sign a moment until they see the tree swing. The laughter dies at once and moves and catch kitten and tree before they could fall.  
Strangely, after the fright, they laugh again, under the watch of Mag. That decides to play with them and jump into his master arms, who were still laughing now on the ground.

During an hour they play with the cat and the dog, running around the round.   
Until they make their way to the kitchen, Cullen purchased in the morning, one by one, he takes out all the ingredients necessary.   
The cooking part would not take them long; everything was in the preparation after that they would only have to wait—Cullen's start to cut the onion and chicken when Dorian notices that his hands are shaking. Dorian comes to the hillside and grips his hand that holds the knife delicately.  
\- I can do it.

\- Just let me help you. I don't desire you to cut yourself.

After thirty minutes later, their dishes were finally on the fire. But they talk not of accident from earlier. It was better to not about it; he was sure that Cullen would take it badly.  
When he was time to taste it, Dorian makes a face. Not because of the taste he was expecting worse at a time, it was just boiling. He wouldn't be a Pavus if he didn't use this opportunity to tease his friend.  
\- It can't be that bad. Can it?

\- Coming from you, microwave Master, it's not so bad. Don't forget to thank your sister. 

The time to let the dish chill, they set the table. Cullen returns from the kitchen with two plates. When eaten Dorian could identify most of the ingredients. The vegetables were a bit burnt, and there was too much salt, but the attention was excellent, nonetheless. It was a lovely night. They keep smiling and share new and old stories.

Dorian thinks about why he came in the first place.  
Of what he had seen nothing alarming. Even by what his sister has said of him, he looks better. Happy even. If there were only his shaking hands to be alarmed, he wouldn't be.  
After the diner, they sat on the couch in front of the TV. Eating the cookie monster fudge ad made and brought back into a tupperware

\- You were in no obligation to come, you know.  
He says his hand in Dorian hair. They were shaking, for no apparent reason.  
\- Why would I not, that what friends do? And it's not like I would pass the holidays with my family. I prefer yours…

\- When I call, I was relieved and surprised you didn't change your number.  
It was a blatant lie. He was sure his number did not change; he even seeks Mia to be sure of it.  
\- As I am. You keep it all those years.

At that instant, he wondered if it was the phone number he was talking. Since that's when he says those words, he takes Dorian necklace in his hand and looks intensely at it.   
\- I'm wondering if you know of...

He stops himself, nervously biting his finger. He looks an instant in the direction of his dog, then back to Dorian, before continuing. His expression became harsh.

\- You know, don't you? Don't lie.

\- Yes, I do. Mia told me. She was distraught about you. I got my doubt too; when she poses me questions about the Center, it was years ago—wondering how it works and all. We never talk about it, she merely knows. I just connect the dot. I was such a coward.

They stay silent. Then, when it happens, Cullen what seems to be a headache and starts to have difficulty breathing. Now its whole body was shaking not just his hand. Mag just dashes from here spot to him, climbing on his arm.  
Waiting that Cullen got a bit better. Dorian was now running his hand at the nape of Cullen's neck, in a soothing gesture. And then he starts to talk, telling everything. Even more than what Mia was suspecting. How subsequently left the army and worked in a private detective agency in the security department. That he was fighting the urge to drink again, who he just near lost was resolving a month ago. Samson, a former colleague, was blackmailing him because of some contradictory work when he was still in NPD. That caused a scandal that he was related, but Cullen's name had not been mentioned. Samson asked him for money and company information.

\- I have been hospitalized. I got hallucinations. It was bad. And at first, I don't comprehend what happens. What was real or not. I got to work like this. My partner, Cassandra, drags me at the hospital. She comes with me at the shelter, for Mag. She becomes my moral support. I'm not an inspector any more. Private detective it's not the best, but I try not to let my past behind. And YOU, you here.

\- I'm not part of this past. Don't say this like I'm responsible.

\- Not the way you expect.

\- Don't.

Cullen tries reaching for him. They were both a crying mess. But then Dorian stands up and starts to pace and rumble angrily.  
\- I loved you! And I still do. It always feels like you never regard me. Never know I was here. You can say everything you want, that how I feel inside. That I'm never enough for you to see even if I catch the sun for you! But even then, I still love you and to be by your side.

\- Is it too late to try?  


At the new year's party of the Rutherford family this year. Mia ad to sit at their table. It was not for new people in her life. But two that always got value. The most precious gift she calls on them was their smile all this night. And even if they still cache it, she has surveyed their linked hands under the table.  
But they couldn't hide when they have to kiss under the mistletoe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks at you to read it till the end. <3
> 
> NOTA : The hallucination Cullen did describe to have when he stops drinking his called Delirium Tremens.  
> It's typical of withdrawal in chronic alcoholic after an excessive and prolonged use of alcoholic liquors, involving tremors, hallucinations, anxiety, and disorientation.  
> It's not something that you commonly ear when someone stops drinking, the firs time I hear of it was in a series, Kingdom hospital, and I do some research and it really someone that exists.
> 
> Also, here the recipe of the with chilli, it's delicious :https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/christmas-white-chili/
> 
> Maybe could see you there to talk of more Cullrian : https://discord.gg/Hz5kjt


End file.
